June 22, 2006

The time in which I am to leave and venture off into the unknown has been a long time coming. Each step I seem to take brings me closer to departure, and the more I felt like God has preparing me my whole life for that moment. This is the beginning of new life. In a time when everything inside me screams and aches to change, I know that soon enough that time will befall over me. There will be no more second-guessing; my ceaseless questioning will be long entertained. I know that what awaits me on the other side is peace, a peace only found in truth. For when I am reunited with home and the dear American tale I will forever be changed.

I sensed crossing the “Rubicon” of my journey as I led my team of thirteen to the airport in Guatemala City. The team had only been there a month, yet days and weeks prior, the excitement to return to life at home and everything that was comfortable and familiar withstood what was in front of their eyes, the jungles of Guatemala. An adventure that God had for them to take and the chance to open their eyes to new life. There stood the road less traveled, was the road less traveled even considered? What could I have done to change their minds? The griping, grumbling and complaining not only wore on them but it was almost like an evil substance that sought to overtake my belief. Never the less, I tried to not be shaken.

There the doors to Guatemala Cities’ Aurora International Airport stood wide open. As the team poured in through the doors without looking back, with one deep breath I marched in. I stood in line as the bags were checked, and again listened to the excitement and joy found in home, family and friends that I would have yet to see for another three months. A piece of me knew how easy it would be to run, all I would have to do is get in the plane and leave all my fears behind but I would be leaving my heart. When it came time to depart, we exchanged embraces, but very formally, I had to force myself not to feel, hoping the extent of what was happening would not hit. Hoping that reality of life in Guatemala now alone, and every type of comfort torn away from me, would later slowly sink in. After my last embraced, my breathe slipped out from inside me and tears began to stream my face. I quickly regained the conscious vision, my belief that this is everything I wanted and where I was supposed to be. I took another deep breathe, sucked every fear back in and mustered up the courage to turn around and look back at the doors wide open. Outside the doors displayed a bustling city that lay behind, but further out of the city held a much simpler and quiet life of Guatemalans. I took one-step towards the door and each one that followed became easier. I marched out the doors into the unknown, my heart pounding…

Everything inside me was screaming the very words of a song from Switchfoot,
“I dare you to move, I dare you to run…Welcome to the fall out. Welcome to resistance. The tension between who you are and who you could be, between how it is and how it should be…Where you can run to escape from yourself...Maybe we’ve been living with our eyes half open…We were meant to live for so much more, if only we lost ourselves…”

I forced myself into the Cab, while an overwhelming sense of pride rushed over me. I had finally embarked upon my journey that was a long time coming…I was finally here. I was off to experience the unknown and venture off into a future that would leave me forever changed. As the cab found its way out of the Airport and off into Guatemala, there was no turning back, my new life awaited me.

There have been many willing and eager sojourners that have treaded before me, and many that follow. Each giving me a new and different inspiration to venture. One dared to soar on wings like eagles across the world. And another dared to fly where no one else had gone before. Journeys that took a whole lives preparation. To fulfill dreams and ambitions, in strength and courage. I too am ready to fight the joys and trials of the unknown. Leaving my old self behind, knowing that through this journey; I too would only find the restoration of a new woman, one only found in faith, trials and time.